we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
