I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
