If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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