the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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