The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
