Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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