U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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