I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
