Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize