Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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