I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Actions speak louder than pants.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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