Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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