also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You can't motorboat a personality
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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