The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize