90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
