he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
