he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
