Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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