Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
sarcasm needs its own font
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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