I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
