I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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