My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
