On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
