Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
