I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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