it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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