OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It's Friday. Sex?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
