Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
