i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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