so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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