when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
