why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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