i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
