A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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