i need an iv and a liver transplant
from now on my penis is your penis
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
