she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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