I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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