Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
