you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
