1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize