This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I love having hate sex.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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