This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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