He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize