I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
