Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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