I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
