i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
