Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
