well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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