Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Success! We fucked roommates!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
