well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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