She is in my trunk
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
