Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
