puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
