just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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