I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
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