The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
