I am in a vortex of obligation.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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