A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
