I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
