you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
