Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
