If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
