Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
