Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
