I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
